smithereensThis is your home now too, he’d said to her, not long before he’d left for another lengthy campaign.
Ailin didn’t ask how long he would be gone, because she’s hoping it will be forever. She didn’t ask where he was going, because she doesn’t want to know, because it’s pointless to learn the name of a place that will soon fall, to wonder after the people who live there, who will leave their homes in the morning and not return.
If this is her home, then she wishes she could leave.
But it’s not, she tells herself rebelliously. Her home is in Renhua, with her family and friends, with everything she has ever known and loved.
It’s not here, with him, within the cage of his cavernous halls and grandiose rooms. She can’t help but think that everything here, from the lush couches to the polished stone floors to the watchful, vicious eyes of every dragon scroll on the walls, is fit for a king.
An emperor.
She finds family portraits while wandering the halls off of his suite, in a quiet, ponderous wing she assumes is meant for extended family. They all have the same inky black hair, she notices, and eyes that seem to leap out at her from the paint itself. They are all composed the same: formal, distant, regal.
There is one with a child that draws her attention, a young boy she guesses to be about nine or ten nestled between his parents, amber eyes intense. The same intense eyes are in the next portrait, the boy older but not yet fully grown, a red-gold dragon rampant curled around his body, and Ailin recognizes the familiar from near-reverent whispers in her father’s halls and her own half-lucid nightmares.
It’s Souza.
She steps back hastily, as if the man himself is standing before her instead of his likeness, and nearly jumps out of her skin when someone speaks from behind her.
“Is there something I can help you with, Princess?”
It’s one of his advisors, she finds when she whips around, an old man with a visible limp that she recalls being introduced to months ago. It takes her a moment to place his name.
“No, thank you, Master Goroji.”
But his eyes are kind, kinder than she remembers them being, kinder than she’s ever seen before in this lonely place.
“You found His Lordship,” he says, favoring his left leg as he limps forward, towards the portrait she’d been examining earlier. She doesn’t know what to say that isn’t deprecating, and so she finds herself unable to say any of it in front of this disarming old man.
“He’s sixteen here—this was painted when he gained his familiar,” he continues, tone wistful. “It was quite impressive, when he came back with this giant dragon in tow. He was gone for quite a while, you see, and I knew when he left that he had a plan—he’s always had a plan—but I didn’t think it would be this.”
He chuckles softly, and Ailin finds herself staring openly at Goroji, mouth ajar, because the fond bent of his words and the image she conjures in her mind of teenage Souza, fierce and wild as he parades his massive dragon home, don’t seem to reconcile each other.
Before she can mask the awe in her voice, she asks, “How did he do it?”
“No one rightly knows,” Goroji says, with a light shrug of his shoulders. “He’s never said, though I imagine he went north, and followed the legends from there.”
She knows the legends; everyone knows the legends, the rumor of scorched bone high in the mountains, of thin air made thick by the smell of burnt flesh. If she hadn’t heard the ring of truth in Goroji’s words, in the words of so many others, she would’ve scarcely believed anyone could harness that sort of power.
“It seems natural, I suppose, that he would want only the most powerful of familiars,” she says, not hiding her disdain. “When you bring a dragon into battle, half your work is done for you.”
“He’s always been ambitious, yes,” Goroji says, and there is something akin to pity in his gaze, something that makes Ailin feel inexplicably childish and small. “But I don’t think anything less would’ve suited him. He’s much like his dragon, in many ways.”
“Murderous?”
Goroji chuckles again, then sighs in a long-suffering way. “Princess, have you ever met a dragon?”
She shakes her head no. Before she’d been married off to Souza, she’d never even met anybody who had one as a familiar, let alone found one that was unattached; even since then, she had yet to see her husband’s familiar in any shape.
“They are dangerous, yes,” he says. “Very proud and withdrawn, but they are animals just like any other. Just like your phoenix.”
She thinks of Rika, of how her fussiness drives her crazy, of how little she complained when Ailin worked them both into exhaustion in the aftermath of that first, terrifying battle with Souza’s forces. Without Rika’s power, many more soldiers would’ve died that day, and for that Ailin is eternally grateful.
Her relationship with Rika is more like a partnership, just like everyone else; she cannot imagine Souza’s to be the same.
To her silence, Goroji only turns towards the portrait and says, “A few days after this was painted, his father died in battle.” He pats his stiff leg, his face turned away. “That’s also where I got this.”
There’s something about the gentle cadence of his voice that makes her glance at the portrait she’d examined first, the young Souza ensconced between his mother and father. His parents’ features exist in the shape of his face, the slant of his eyes and the set of his mouth, a legacy she can’t imagine being extinguished so soon.
“His mother?” she finds herself asking, braced for the inevitable disillusionment.
“Illness, about a year later. Though we all knew it was grief.”
She wonders what it must be like, to lose the comfort of both parents, and finds nothing but heartbreak. She wonders what his mother must’ve been like, to love a man like his father so wholeheartedly. She wonders, irrationally, if she could’ve saved them, had she been in the right place at the right time.
She wonders if things would’ve been different.
Souza’s eyes don’t answer her.
“Thank you,” she says quietly, tipping her chin down. “For your help.”
Goroji smiles beatifically, bowing his head deeply in a way that settles over her like a weight, and starts to hobble away. “You’re welcome, Princess.”